Friday, November 05, 2010

Gwae y Cayman

A pronunciamento from the Prif Sasiwn of the Cymru Rouge (Commissariat of External Relations and Instant Rebuttal):

So! Once again, the expressed will of literally millions of ordinary, working-class men, women and children, poor-to-middling peasants, discharged policemen and revolutionarily-inclined students has been thwarted by the machinations of International Capital and its ten-fingered hirelings!

The Learned Elders of the Intern Net have spurned the inherent right of all Welsh to have a domain name ending in '.cym'. Instead, they have added insult to ursury by granting this domain name to what we gather is some sort of crocodile.

The Cymru Rouge has long supported the dotCYM campaign, if only as a means of compiling our list of suspiciously-literate Welsh for the slate-quarry pioneer battalions, and would have put the banner on our website if we'd been able to work out the html code.

To put some sort of big fish ahead of Wales is little better than giving preference to the so-called English and their Scotch masters. In light of this farsighted attack on our stealth acquisition of the trappings of statehood, we, the Rouge, hereby proclaim a boycott of the Intern Net, the Web Ring and all forms of the Ram.

This boycott is mandatory for all Cymru Rouge cadres and any other Welsh.

In the spirit of not making things worse for ourselves for once, we have commissioned the University of Central Meirionydd (formerly Compute 'R' Us, Eldon Square, Dolgellau) to carry out a study of Intern Net use with a view to mitigating any economic and social damage the boycott might cause.

The findings of the study are as follows:

"Former Vice-President Al Gore of the United States invented the Internet (sic, passim) as a means of conquering space by environmentally more tedious means than firing rockets full of scientists at it.

"President George W Bush saw little virtue in either pursuit, and so the Internet remained empty until some Dutchmen found it and filled it with porn.

"This was the Golden Age of the Internet. Since then use has decayed, and the current inventory of Internet content is as follows:

  • 89% porn
  • 4% pictures of cats
  • 4% people blaming Israel
  • 2% German cannibals seeking dinner dates
  • 1% the Scaryduck publishing empire
  • 2% creative accounting."

On the basis of this, the Cymru Rouge has devised a reach-around so that any patriotic Welsh can achieve his goals without entering a modem. We have categorised the above categories into three categories:

1. Porn, pictures of cats, and people blaming Israel. A girlfriend from Newport, incontinent aunt and television licence will suffice.

2. German cannibals. We assume that anyone who wants to be stuffed in a Pfälzer Saumagen will have already bought the one-way ticket on the Kürten Express by now.

3. Scaryduck. Media projections suggest that Scaryduck will acquire controlling shares in all British newspapers, commercial radio stations and works of fiction by 2015, so sit still and all will be well.

5. Creative accounting. Over half of all legally employed Welsh are involved in this industry - Wales's second largest - and are therefore exempt from the Intern Net ban in the workplace. Instead they will be expected to undertake an indefinite strike in support of our cause.

For the plutocrats who control the Intern Net, the pressure will be unbearable.

As for dotCYM, we applaud their continuing campaign and suggest that they now demand total and utter control over the domain name '.ll'.


Paul Pot - Brawd Rhif Un
Huw Samphan - Brawd Rhif Dau
Ta Moc Tudor - Brawd Rhif Tri
"H" (out of Steps) - Groyw loyw
Prif Sasiwm y Cymry Rouge.


Gorilla Bananas said...

As a mark of solidarity, we of the hairy commonwealth will share the dotAPE domain with any organisation claiming Welshness by dint of language, ancestry or choice of underwear. We will also assist the internet neophytes of the Pottist movement to claim the dotPOT domain as their own.

No Good Boyo said...

GB, I'm touched by your standing shoulder to shoulder with us Welsh, especially as we are about the same height on average. You raise two interesting points, though but:

1. These caymans have taken a native Welsh domain. Does that mean they foreit one in the animal kingdom? Did they shall with alligators and such? I almost sympathise with their plight.

2. Is there a Khmer Rouge government in exile that acknowledges such baubles of Man's vanity as the Internet? I'm assured that bPot is the most accurate rendering of the old fool's name. If they don't want it, we'll have it.

No Good Boyo said...

That ought to be "share", not shall. Works fine either way.

Gorilla Bananas said...

Crocodiles are too ancient and stupid to care about the internet. Some human "instigator" (note the resemblance to "alligator") must have bribed them to claim the dotCYM domain to humiliate the Welsh. It's similar to Edward I making his son the Prince of Wales. The Welsh have been sucking it up for centuries.

The Khmer Rouge remnants are obviously fanatically opposed to the internet, but the neo-Pottists have learned to work within the system to destroy it. Why else would they appear on TV to haggle with the English? If they get the dotPOT domain they could rent it out as a giant worm and virus factory.

Jon in France said...

This is disgraceful. That the Caymen Islands should get not one but two domain thingies is dispicable.

Nevermind that the other is .ky.

I'm not Welsh, but did once have sex with someone who was and have thus felt a warmth towards that fine nation ever since.

Lovely girl she was. Magnificant buttocks.

I am confident that Wales will get its own domain thingie in due course and I will be amongst the first to pay my 20 quid and register a name.

No Good Boyo said...

"a giant worm and virus factory". That sounds like our kind of thing, if you've ever spent an evening down Martha's Vineyard night club in The Mumbles.

Jon, to have known the ample delights of a fat bird from Carmarthen is to be part of the werin, have no fear. There is no shame in not having been man enough for her long-term. They consider two Young Farmers the minimum for a date over there, ideally with a third to hold their chips at the bus stop.

Al, the whole point of .cym was to piggyback off the whole "ach, ja, Gunther" thing, just like some unscrupulous bloggers boost their hits by running a post entitled "Lindsey Lohan swarfeega gear-stick" once a month. Or "Charlotte Church bukkake spofffest", for that matter.

Francis Sedgemore said...

"Lindsey Lohan swarfeega gear-stick"

For that, f'annwyl Boyo, I shall be forwarding you my psychotherapy bill.

No Good Boyo said...

We in the Rouge hold no truck with psychotherapy or indeed any other form of alternative, non-Welsh medicine. Try fly agaric - if it's good enough for the Druids, it's good enough for you. Believe me, images of Ms Lohan attempting to negotiate a manual transmission motor car while thoroughly greased up with petroleum lubricant on a hot day in LA will be far from the rattling gourd of your mind. Hwyl!

westward ho said...

what? no .dd?

No Good Boyo said...

Ddat ŵd bi teling.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

According to Mahmoud the Mad, .il domain is going to be for sale fairly soon, so you may want to consider it...

siarc hafod parc said...

Byger. That's my relaxdon'tdoitwhenyouwantto website down the swansea.

No Good Boyo said...

Hmmm, there are possibilities. rather appeals.

Well, Siarc, you could have a word with those thieving alligator bastards in the Caymans.

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