Friday, November 02, 2007

Cymru Rouge hails New China


People who read big newspapers and watch TV programmes featuring clothed types sitting around tables hear a great deal about the growing strength of the Chinese economy and its global impact. China's spending power, thirst for resources, investments in Africa, military might and diplomatic stance are widely seen as a cause for concern.

We in the Cymru Rouge disagree, and not only because we are roiling, hemp-clad Maoists who subsist on our own slate-flecked spittle. We regard Western foreboding about China as little more than a centenary lap of dishonour for the "Yellow Peril" that so baldly maligned that noble apothecary Dr Fu Manchu.

Indeed, any moral panic about the Middle Kingdom ought to be mitigated by its consistent failure to capitalize on its many centuries of achievement and innovation.

For example, China invented paper and printing, but has yet to master the art of writing - prefering as it does to produce crude Rorschach inkblots in place of proper letters.

Furthermore, its invention of the compass now has few uses beyond geometry classes and self-service ear-piercing among bored schoolgirls. The rest of the world navigates by satellite and the map function on Google - which we believe is banned in that potato-less patriarchy.

Gunpowder was another triumph. We used it to manufacture modern weaponry and conquer the world - one consequence of which is that Hong Kong is still a Special Autonomous Region with elementary human rights, working drains and the Cat III film industry. In China, they put it in fireworks.

So let us join Karl Marx (Literarischer Nachlass, vol III, pp 444-5) in voting thanks to China for giving us the boons of capitalism while selflessly sticking to feudal warlordism itself.

Brawd Rhif Un, Ta Moq
Brawd Rhif Dau, Huw Samphan
Brawd Rhif Tri, Paul Pot
Cymru Rouge Political Bureau and Ents Society

6 comments:

Gorilla Bananas said...

I never realised there were so many Maoists in Wales, Dr Boyo. Even the Chinese Communists now say that lump of lard was 30% bad. As for the Potists, they'll be shooting all the speccy types if you give them a chance. Do you want me to sit on them for you? Being sat on by a gorilla is the only known cure for Potism.

No Good Boyo said...

GB, we would certainly be delighted to disaggregate our crushing duties to you in the case of the "Michael Bentine Pottist clique", who have sold out the dream of a rice-based Welsh economy.

Ordovicius said...

Are the Michael Bentine Pottist clique still going? I thought they'd all been killed off by the Llap Goch brotherhood. Not that I know anything about that fraternity of course. I just read about it once in a Papur Bro cut-out I found in a second hand copy of a Harry Seacomb book on existentialist Welsh choirs.

No Good Boyo said...

You are right to deny all knowledge of your sanguinary role in that incident, Ordo (Brawd Rhif Saith). The Pottists were slain then fairly judged for attempting a rightist, oat-centrist deviation their at the Llymru Rouge trials, but some had their sentences posthumously commuted to lifetime hard labour in the maip plantations of Anglesey. Their continued wrecking activities cannot be ruled out, given our progressive rejection of clerico-fascist constructs like death.

M C Ward said...

If I may be so forthright, they also invented the noodle, but it took the Italians to fashion it into truly economically viable shapes and build the Renaissance upon the riches the aggressive marketing of said forms generated.

No Good Boyo said...

Good point, mc. Pioneers rarely grasp the full potential of their discoveries. Al Gore may have invented the Internet, but it took the mercantile genius of the Dutch to stuff it full of porn.