Saturday, February 21, 2009

Atlantis - the Poor Man's Wales


From the Press and Instant Rebuttal Office of the Cymru Rouge:

The bourgeois and lumpen Anglo-Saxon media have circulated rumours that a Greek imperalist colony "the size of Wales" has been discovered off a beach in the Canaries.

In support of this assertion they cite Google Earth, a neo-Copernican organisation that propagates the "Round Earth" thesis, so you might as well say you read it on Wikipedia for all the impression it makes on scientific socialists.

The Prif Sasiwn of the Cymru Rouge takes this opportunity totally and utterly to reject any linkage between the Atlantean white settlers and the ordinary, working-class helots of Wales.

"Like the Dutch before them, the Greeks are not content with colonising other countries but are setting out to annex the very sea bed," explained the Cymru Rouge Commissar for Anti-Cosmopolitan Affairs, Griff ap Ystlum.

"And they're trying to cover up their irridentist activities by appropriating the history of Cantre'r Gwaelod, the historic Welsh county that some dolphins stole in the Middle Ages," he continued.

The authorities have been investigating any possible Atlantean acts of subversion in Wales itself.

"Machynlleth is full of bearded hey-nonny Englishmen in stripy clothes, usually trailing unkempt common-law wives and kids called 'Uthur' and 'Morgana' behind them on the way to the Social," stated the Prif Forthwyl (Mattock-in-Chief) of the Tangnefeddwyr police force, Chwyldro ap Ffistan.

"They live in wigwams and drink their own piss - and quite possibly ours too. We just don't know,"
he added.

"The Tangnefeddwyr are not sure whether this lot are a Socratic Fifth Column for the Greeks, but we've decided to make them more at home by relocating them to the historic site of Cantre'r Gwaelod itself," pledged ap Ffistan.

The scientific community was also wisely unanimous in refuting any links between Atlantis and Wales.

"Me and the missus went to Cephalonia, and we've got a good idea of what them Greeks get up to," commented the chairman of the Welsh Academy of Motor Mechanics, Gwil Garêj. "It's the seals I feel sorry for. As if they haven't got enough problems what with global warming, the Millennium and that."

"And there's no way this has anything to do with Wales," he persisted. "Look at that Atlantis - flat, with nice straight roads and not a cloud in sight.

"If we lived there you'd have mountains of slate, roads that end on cliff tops, it would be tipping down day and night and the sea would belong to Liverpool Corporation," noted Garêj. "And we'd still have a hosepipe ban."

The Cymru Rouge instruct the media that the random chunks of rainforest that disappear every day have nothing to do with Wales either, and that the arrival of Sting or the late Anita Roddick anywhere on Welsh territory will be regarded as an act of war.






22 comments:

Simon Dyda said...

Thank Dôn we have the Cymry Rouge to protect our interests against the spurious oceanographic theories of Sun 'scientists'.

No Good Boyo said...

The Rouges stand firm like the the Lions of Menai in the face of all non-Welsh science, Simon, and this father of Arianrhod also gives thanks to the Mother of Another, and of us all.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Had tsunami hit on a Sunday Cantre'r Gwaelod would now be part of some borough municipality with lordship over traffic wardens and dog catchers.

Another of history's what-ifs.

Gorilla Bananas said...

It's amazing the number of things that are the size of Wales, when you come to think of it. The Anglo-Saxons must have fixed the border to create the perfectly-sized national ghetto for recalcitrant races. I bet the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs was the size of Wales as well.

inkspot said...

"Atlantean white settlers". What colour are the Welsh then? And don't give us rouge, they're not a bunch of Khmers, even I know that. I suppose I'd believe slate, though.

Simon Dyda said...

I bet the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs was the size of Wales as well.

the asteroid that wiped out the dinosaurs was Wales.

No Good Boyo said...

Thank you Simon, I was about to make that point. This also answers Gorilla Bananas, for the English did not create Wales - not even God created Wales. We came from outer space. Ffact.

Inky, No Good Boyo is a web blog that opposes all forms of racial and national discrimination - except for the English and the Greeks.

"White settler" is a term we narrow Welsh nationalists use to abuse the varieties of English who dare move to our rainbow nation of Calvinist thugs. We took it from our sister-party in Zimbabwe, ZANU-PF.

By deploying it against the Greeks the Cymru Rouge are not indulging in cheap racial denigration, especially as these Atlantean types have more than a touch of the tar brush. Probably.

Cantre's Gwaelod still elects seven members of Ceredigion Council, Kevin, and they are all Rouges!

Damon Lord said...

Apparently the Cetacean Unity National Taskforce are consulting their lawyers due to numerous typos where things should have been compared to WHALES, not Wales.

No Good Boyo said...

WE are willing to wade in solidarity with these big fish, Damon.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Synchonicity again, Boyo, I was just (rather unwisely) discussing irridentist over at mine; AND, Romania and Ukraine have settled just which bits of possibly-oil-rich sea bed are whose as a consequence of Romania's own Black-Sea Rockall)

"Atlantis" is a ride on Barry Island, isn't it?

No Good Boyo said...

Gadjo, your Dacian imperialism will not stand! Ostrov Zmiyinyyy will always be Ukrainian! Look at how many consonants we have.

When the whole Snake Island business flared up in about 2004, when I was in Kiev, the Ukrainians planned to build an hotel there to consolidate their claim.

I had visions of a restaurant permanently closed "for technical reasons", an overflowing toilet, a lobby band playing lethargic Alla Pugacheva songs and a drunk army officer at the sole table, gazing balefully at three indifferent prostitutes.

One can dream.

Gyppo Byard said...

Wasn't there supposed to have been a Welsh Atlantis, somewhere in Cardigan Bay? Or was that a tall tale spun to encourage me to drown myself off Tywyn looking for watery belfries?

Kevin Musgrove said...

The Welsh Atlantis is in a village pond just outside Welshpool. They moved it there so that it would be handier for the shops.

No Good Boyo said...

Both Gyppo and Kevin are right. Cantre'r Gwaelod was located just off Aberdyfi, an inconvenient location at high tide and ill-served by the coastal radio.

Ceredigion Council loaned it to Powys for a integrated transport solutions work group, and it fell off a lorry into the pool for which Welshpool is rightly famous.

Health & Safety regulations prevent anyone from recovering it, although noise-abatement operatives from the Welsh Environmental Agency have attempted to silence the bells.

Mrs Pouncer said...

Boyo baby darling sorry am completely pissed allthe time and dwho can blame me, see I am bereavedm but what I wabte to say was this:

Atlantis - urbs Atlantica. Cognita de hoc. Bu then I COULDNt remember why I wantre dto sayu it. it is a friday really latel, Cut me some slack.love as always, vccxxxxxxx

No Good Boyo said...

Gut Shabbos, Froy Poynder! It is right to celebrate with a few glasses of yayin on this joyous day.

PI said...

For some reason I thought you were Irish.

No Good Boyo said...

And you with a blogful of sheep. For shame!

In response to many urgent inquiries I'm happy to report that a new installment of my sordid life is almost ready to publish. This one involves chocolate, nuns (not lesbian) and what might have been.

inkspot said...

"... and what might have been."

That's the Hammer Films version (never made) of the Brides of Christ, with Fenella Fielding and Ingrid Pitt?

No Good Boyo said...

There's still time, Inky.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

That was a sublime dissection of the cowardly Atlanteans' and their cowardly ways.

We'll dance on their watery graves yet, this is a promise.

Anonymous said...

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