Booze endormi

The mascara-streaked bombshell/site that is Mrs Pouncer's Counsel has hostessed a refreshing romp through readers' favourite cocktails. I recommend Gyppo Byard's heroically pedantic take on the Traffic Lights in particular.

Myself, I learned to make cocktails in Soviet Russia. This was an unfortunate choice, on reflection. Hence my party specials:

Северное сияние (Severnoye siyaniye - Aurora Borealis). One part vodka, two parts Crimean Sekt. Thus called because that's what you start seeing. Popular with sailors and date-rapists.

Ёршь (Yorzh - Stickleback). One part vodka, 3-4 parts zhiguli beer à goût. Thus called because it feels like you're swallowing one. A soldier's breakfast. Useful before and during Aeroflot internal flights.

Папаха Махтумкули (Papakha Makhtumkuly - Magtymguly's Beaver). Three parts arack to three parts buttermilk, strained through the insides of a sheep into a hat made from the outsides of a sheep. Using the same sheep is said to give best results. Drunk in the desert at dawn to ensure a good day's sleep. Thus called because that's exactly what it is.

Зааминский чай (Zaaminsky chai - Zaamin tea). Half a poppy-stalk's worth of opium sap, dripped into a cup of green tea by an increasingly friendly youth. A refreshing reward for village elders, available in the backrooms of chai-khanehs throughout the wartorn Zaamin district of remote Uzbekistan.

Бульбаш (Bulbash - Potatohead). A Belarussian cocktail. You hollow out a potato and fill it with potato moonshine. You give the potato to a Russian, who drinks the contents. Then a Ukrainian steals the potato. You thank them both. Then the Germans turn up.

Бакинские комиссары (Bakinskiye komissary - The Baku Commissars). An Azerbaijani apéritif. Two generous measures of Hungarian Eger Bull's Blood, or indeed any blood, half a bottle of Sumqayıt port, a pinch of gunpowder and a match. To be drunk flambé from an Armenian's skull.

Looking forward to seeing you all at New Year.