Sunday, March 02, 2008

Mynd i Rymni

A statement by the Cymru Rouge Responsibility Reallocation Department

There has been a considerable amount of what we can only soberly call total and utter over-the-top and typical anti-Welsh media hysteria about the recent comments of Uffar O'Gwair, Director of the Cymru Rouge Rugby Union and Chemical Weapons Division.

Comrade O'Gwair, speaking yesterday at the Martyr Cayo Evans (formerly St David's Day) celebrations down the staff social club of the Live Ordinance Manual Disposal Depot and Juvenile Deliquents Re-education Camp, Sennybridge, made some remarks about the forthcoming Six Nations fixture between the massed socialist ranks of the Welsh rugby squad and the prancing lager-drinkers of the Continuity Irish Free State [ed: Irish Republic].

His words were as follows: "Cromweliwn ni Iwerddon y tro 'ma fel chafodd y Padis erioed eu chromwelio ers dyddiau'r Hen Gromwel ei hyn, ynafe!"

This has been translated as "We shall give Ireland the sort of Cromwelling the Paddies haven't had since the days of Old Cromwell himself, isn't it!" (cf Reuters, AFP, Irish Government web site, UN Security Council, Council of Europe, Human Rights Watch, Amnesty International, that Hague Tribunal again)

While acknowledging the possibly literal accuracy of this rendering, the Cymru Rouge deems it necessary to issue the following urgent clarification.

"In using the term 'Cromwell', bourgeois media outlets and Illuminati hirelings are trying to incinerate that Brother Uffar was suggesting that the Welsh Rugby Squad would carry out a massacre of the Irish team in the way that the Anglo-Welsh laypreacher and military personality Oliver Cromwell did on the broader Irish scene in 1649-1650.

"There is no basis for this aspertion, as an ideologically-atuned reading shows that O'Gwair was clearly using the Welsh verb 'cromweilio' in a dialect form common in the Radnor area.

"Its meaning in this context is 'to show Celtic and agro-proletarian fraternal sporting solidarity while kicking their clerical-reactionary behinds through a stack of Enya albums'.

"This will be confirmed in the forthcoming reprinting of the Welsh Academy Dictionary of the Welsh Language, once the Academy members have been released from hard labour on the Bardsey Island to Haverfordwest Anti-Hiberian Defensive Maritime Barrier.

"On behalf of the Senedd and People of Wales, we hope that this will go some way to persuading the Irish Coastguard to return the Abersoch Under-15s' ball that got blown out to sea on Friday."

Buddugoliaeth neu marwolaeth!

Brawd Rhif Naw
Clebran Brân


Gorilla Bananas said...

There's nothing like a bit of pre-match bantering to get the blood up for a big match, but what an own goal (own try?) the Pottists scored by mentioning that warty-faced zealot Cromwell. The last thing the Welsh need is to have someone that ugly as one of their heroes. The Irish already have a low enough opinion of their looks.

No Good Boyo said...

True enough, GB. They've barely want to talk to us Welsh since they got their Asian Tiger thing going, and I gather from Twenty Major's blog that they've largely given up drinking Dor Black Stoff in favour of campari and what have you. They've got lady presidents, Oscars, and Bono is their roving ambassador.

Still, I think we got away with it this time, unlike the unfortunate General (soon to be Corporal) Vilnai in Israel.

SnoopyTheGoon said...

Cromwelling... argh... I still think the Illuminati are the real driving force.

But campari? I mean, there should be some limit...

Gadjo Dilo said...

Cromwell was a Welsh? You should have kept quiet about that, Boyo. We English have long accepted the White Man's Burden of being the sole perpetrators of badness in the Celtic world, and it'll only upset the natural order to suggest otherwise!

No Good Boyo said...

I'm assured by Sioba Siencyn, the gap-toothed sage of Llanishen, the Cromwell's great grandfather was a Welsh, and that's good enough for me. He took his religion neat, liked fighting and showed signs of chippiness, which sounds pretty Welsh.

He also continued the great Welsh tradition of getting involved in English enterprises only to destroy them. The Commonwealth and real Protestantism died with him, just as Lloyd George did for the Liberal Party, Heseltine for the Tories, David Llewelyn Owen for the SDP and Huw Edwards for the Six O'Clock News.

I call it the Waugh Thesis, after the doctor in Decline and Fall who attributes all of England's woes to our intervention.

Gadjo Dilo said...

You're right then, he was a Welsh!

....just as Charlotte Church did (eventually) to the great English enterprise of ghettoising the Welsh as a nation of King James Version choristers.

Cynical "humourist" Waugh probably enjoyed dumping on the Welsh in the same way that all lazy comedians do to this very day.

M C Ward said...

My wife Show's great grandfather was an Irish navvy who came here to lay down a few tracks and ended up laying down a few roots. That counts for nothing this weekend, however.

Ian Plenderleith said...

Nothing wrong with Campari. A good red drink. If you're going to drink bitter blood you should do it the respectable way - with a cocktail stick and a dash of soda water. It's the Bolshevik's bollocks.

No Good Boyo said...

Nonsense, Stay-At-Home. True proletarians consume drinks with no more than three ingedients and no foreign names. Beer is made of hops, malt and water. Solid. Guinness is made of peat, Sweet Afton stubs and more Guinness. Lager is made of beer and piss. Campari is made of cherries picked by girls, creme de menthe, aspirin, Diamond White and olive oil. It is drunk by ponces.

MC - Wales salutes you!