Thursday, December 14, 2006

Cymru Rouge - The Harchives

Been out in the skip they call the Hinternet, sifting through the porn and racialisticism to dig out the truth about !Wales" that The Man has been totally and utterly covering up. Sometimes, I feel like Noam Chomsky.

Here's something from the Taffinform news agency, official mouthpiece of the Cymru Rouge ("Vote for us and you needs never vote hagain"), as edited by BBC Monitoring all them years ago.

Welsh leader greets serfs on national "day"

Excerpt from report by Taffinform news agency

His Excellency the President of the Welsh Republic, Saviour of Wales [Wel: Ceidwad Cymru], Lord of the Marches, Shadow of Nwadda and Afallon on Earth, [Nuadha and Avalawn - Celtic Gods of Sun and Orchards, as seen in the Wicker Man (Director's Cut) on TV last night], Protector of Dyfnaint [Devon], Gwlad yr Haf [Somerset], Yr Amwythig [Shrewsbury] and Cernyw [Cornwall], Herald of the Slumberer [King Arthur], Urgent Wake-Up-Call of the Other Slumberer [Owain Glyndwr], Father of the Great She-Goat with Her Flock of a Thousand, Big Boss B'Yer, Mihangel ap Saisladdwr am Mhorcaunt greeted the workers, peasants, and progressively-inclinded intellectuals of Cymru [Wales] on the advent of another year of their near-physical ecstasy under his homicidal but fair rule.

"Arright," said the First Sheep-Shearer of the Republic, in a live address from his official summer residence in a caravan in Mwnt, relayed on both steam-powered TV channels.

"Those that has cast aspertions upon the Red Book of Hergest, the Black Book of Carmarthen and, er, the other one [White Book of Eifionydd - deliberately omitted to indicate ire at Eifionydd Cantref Council over their shortcomings in the national "Leeks is Us" root-vegetable-waving competition [see "Wales Olympics withdrawl over 'onion-type-veg manipulation' category snub" (Taffinform 1320 gmt 30 Oct 01)], so shall they reap the wrath of the Pale Stallion of Gwynhwyfawr" [pseudo-Arthurian reference, made up as he went along].
[passage to end omitted: what else he said]

Source: Taffinform, Morgangrad (formerly Cardiff), in Welsh 1117 gmt 05 Jun 2003

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Get a Blaaag!

Whenever any of the genital-free meat puppets in Friends ever show signs of getting anything on, Phoebe, the stretch squirrel, squeals "Get a room!" That always struck me as damn funny, but like many bon mots it also contains a kernel of serious truth, innit.

I'm always getting emails at work from cutting-edge types who've decided that linking to articles by disgraced ex-Welsh Simon Jenkins about how there aren't any terrorists anywhere is some substitute for having ideas of their own. I've long given up on replying or threatening to pop their pods with my giant, papier-mache mosquito. It has no effect.

So now I simple email back "get a blog!". It hasn't worked yet.

At the same time, I find "put it on your wiki!" is a suitable workplace alternative to flushing some monkeyplunger's head down the lav everytime they try to explain some new managerial concept to me, or anyone standing near me.

It's all going in the Cymru Rouge Book of Management.