Saturday, February 14, 2009

Sic pereant omnes inimici tui, Gwalia!

A press release by Cymru Rouge Solutions PLC:

Morgangrad [formerly Cardiff], 13th Cayo, Anno Cambriae Rubrae [13th February, 2009]:
The Prif Sasiwn of the Cymru Rouge congratulates itself, and invites all Welsh to do likewise, on the vanquishing of the Normano-Jutish corporatist ultramontane British People's "Alliance" clique!

This den of comprador squirrels raised their puny pennants in paws green and furred from Hunnish practices, then sought to deny the uniqueness of Welsh coal - Welsh coal, hewn from Welsh rock by the twelve fingers of child soldiers chanting slogans of narrow nationalism and slate-based autarky!

Now that pennant lies sodden in the seed of Silurian scorn, and the fierce, four-dimensional banner of Marxist-Glyndŵrism rears regal above a paddy-field of clenched peasant fists!

The British "People's" Alliance and its chief Guelphist "lackey" David Lindsay strove to subject the workers, peasants and shrieking, indoctrinated youth of Red Wales to the warped whims of lords-lieutenants, and to pen them like quisling quail in the prison of "preserved counties".

Once again, literally millions of ordinary, Maoist commissars, syndicalists and teachers of applied atheism rose up and followed the example of Commander Martyr Billy MacKenzie in shouting out a militant "NO!" to these comb-over clowns and packing them off to the country hotels where they lie with their dogs as others do with wives.

Brawd Rhif Un Huw Samphan dashed the knitted mitten of defiance across the mottled chops of the Powellite marionette "Lindsay" and pledged to put up a Cymru Rouge parliamentary candidate in each seat that the "British" People's Alliance might contest.

Within a mere seven months these hirelings, catamites and kennel-fanciers had fled to the four rims of the earthly disc to forego the humiliation of being belted, beetled, bleached and bentsched by the Viet Vyrnwy in every constituency of this and any other land.

Now, some Bernsteinian revisionists and bourgeois nationalists have criticised the Cymru Rouge for its focus on this pack of yokels to the exclusion of "New" Labour, the Liberal "Democrats", "Plaid" Cymru and the Tory "Bastards".

These parties attack Cymreictod through its institutions - the Assembly, the Eisteddfod, the Rugby Union and the sheath-bursting musk of our masculinity. Lindsay, on the other hand, was like the hedgehog in that he understood one big thing - and lived in a hedge.

He knew that our language and equally wholesome coal are the twin axes around which the fulcrum of Welshness revolves, and to deny us our consonant clusters and clods of carbon is tantamount to turning us into a bunch of Cornishmen.

And now Lindsay cowers under a deckchair, flecking the Sandbanks spume with his Saxon spittle, while we Welsh wade on, our oddly-shaped balls in our hands, towards an ever-swelling destiny.

¡Caminemos hacia la luz del Glyndŵrismo!

Brawd Rhif Un Huw Samphan
Brawd Rhif Dau Ta Mogs
Brawd Rhif Tri Paul Pot
Chwaer a Hanner Y Fonheddwraig Boyo


Anonymous said...

Da iawn, hogia!

Gyda llaw, dylai fod del Glyndŵrismo ;)

Gorilla Bananas said...

Does this mean the Pottists aren't claiming credit for the victory over England at Rugby? I assume their last attempt to do so bombed so badly that they've resorted to boasting about phantom victories over phantom enemies.

Francis Sedgemore said...

"I am Norfuk", says Mr Lindsay. "You are fucked," replies the Rouge.

No Good Boyo said...

Diolch Simon, wedi ei chywiro hi. Ond bydd rhaid i dy ddanfon i Wersyllfa Llechwedd dros ferniadu'r Rouge!

GB, phantoms are what we do best. "Wind-bitten towers and castles/With sham ghosts" as our Tourism Board boasts.

And I think you'll find our encouragement last year inspired the lads today by total and utter rhetorical repetition:

Francis, you are hereby appointed official Rouge sloganeer. I can see the Norfuk/fucked poster right now...

M C Ward said...

In a world bereft of healthy idealism, you are a beacon. Probably a Brecon one.

Unknown said...

I've just noticed that your banner shows the Skibbereen Eagle keeping an eye on you.

Oh well, better late than never.

No Good Boyo said...

The journal has set the kind of pace of reporting that I admire, Andrew. No other could keep up with me.

MC, I see myself as Socrates to the world's youth.

xerxes said...

So what's rouge about Cymru? I've just noticed Cardiff City playing Arsenal in gamboge outfits. No, not Cambodge, gamboge.

Gadjo Dilo said...

Lots of gorgeous alliteration here, Boyo, and I'm a right tart for that kind of thing. From the tales of woe I'm hearing I'm expecting the emergence of parties in my homeland called things like "National Salvation Alliance" or "Unity and Desperation Front". (Or is it not that bad yet?)

No Good Boyo said...

Inky, the Cardiff monkeys have all been marched off to work in the leek plantations of Sector Eight (Pembrokeshire) and the remaining husk of Habitat and Howells stores has been renamed Morgangrad. Rouge, blusher, carmine lippy - we've got the lot.

We Maoists are sure that the Brown-Windsor clique cannot long endure, Gadjo.

We've opened our movement to other Marxist groups in the certainty of being able to purge them once we're in power.

That's why Mrs Boyo is suddenly on our politburo. Little does she and her Frankfurt School Trot chums know that there's a disused theatre with "show trial" written all over it just for them.

Kevin Musgrove said...

Lack of experience is always a problem. I always thought that Stalin could have done with ten years working in rep in theatres in Shropshire before taking over in Moscow.

No Good Boyo said...

Stalin was one of the few Bolsheviks with real hinterland, Kev. He was a poet, seminarian and bankrobber before becoming a tyrant.

They ought to have guessed he was trouble with that CV, but then they were all journalists and mummy's boys. To quote Agent Kafka of the Ruthenian secret police, "He focked them". And how.

Francis Sedgemore said...

Nothing good ever came out of a seminary.

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