Tuesday, October 30, 2007

A funny thing happened on the way to the crypt

As a public service employee with a good degree, to whom the world in a very real sense owes a living, I spend much of my time pushing the boundaries of discourse with my colleague and landsman, "Gyppo" Byard.

Today we were struck by a headline in Olly Onion's web blog noting "Strong winds forecast for Marcel Marceau funeral". This set us to thinking about a sub-genre of comedian funeral jokes.

Gyppo (his real name) recalled Peter Sellers's insisting on having the much-despised "In The Mood", the anthem of the GI seducer, played at his service, and I fondly remembered Spike Millgan's chosen tombstone inscription "I told you I was ill". Thither we proceeded to:

George Burns to put on two shows at own funeral. 2300 show is a bit blue.

Tony Hancock's ashes amounted to barely a sleeve-full.

Jacques Tati's coffin was accidentally placed on a conveyor belt leading into a hotel laundry.

Harpo's funeral proceeded in complete silence.

Chico missed his altogether on account of he was playing pinochle at the time

Groucho refuses to attend funeral home that would have him as client.

Rabbi asked to take Henny Youngman's funeral.... Please!

Rabbi Jackie Mason not to take own funeral due to prior engagement.

Oh please yourselves!

Best gags wins Welsh citizenship, again.

Pointy black hat tip, Olly's Onions.


Gorilla Bananas said...

Hmm. Not many Welshmen in that list of stiffs, is there?

Tom Jones's funeral - blow my ashes into Catherine Zeta's fanny.

Give us some Welsh stuff, Mr Boyo. Is
Gyppo a Welsh name? It's a cracker if it is.

No Good Boyo said...

I fear we Welsh tend to export our humour, where it then goes native. Good examples are Tommy Cooper, Paul Whitehouse, Rob Brydon, Keith Allen, "Griff" Rhys Jones, the smirky short one from Monty Python, and "Sir" Geoffrey Howe (Portalbot).

Geoff was a great straightman, by the way, who joined the Tory Party as part of a situationist gag and decided to run with it all the way.

The comedian we have left is the mighty John Sparkes, although there is a strange cult of Max Boyce and Owen Money in some valleys. These two are the reason why we find harps so interesting.

No Good Boyo said...

"Gyppo" is a Welsh honorific applied to respected elders of the roofless, changeling-handler community. The Byards thought their son was destined for greatness in the peg-retail trade and named him so, just like Mr & Mrs Nelson and their son Prince.

M C Ward said...

Tommy Cooper was buried just like that.

Eric Morecombe's ashes were thrown up into the air and Ernie Wise pretended to catch them in a paper bag by cleverly clicking his fingers.

No Good Boyo said...

Excellent, mc. Gyppo himself came up with the same Copper gag, but you were first to post. Citizenship heading your way in a bag of chips. The Gyppster also came up with:

"Mourners at Buster Keaton's funeral remain stone-faced."

"George Formby buried under lamppost at corner of cemetery."

"Charlie Chaplin's body committed to pit of lime (light)"

However, he loses all of his meagre didacoi civil rights for that last one. Mauvais gout, I say.

My latest offering:

"Norman Wisdom's coffin tumbles out of grave and onto bicycle, then careers through Lambeth streets, spinning traffic policeman round and round while being pursued by a dog with a string of sausages in its mouth."


Renoir said...

Four candles lit for Ronnie Barker

Tragedy at Eric Sykes' funeral when mourners standing at either side of coffin knocked flying as pallbearers execute sharp 180 degree turn

M C Ward said...

The notes of Les Dawson's funeral march are comically played slightly out of key.

As Larry Grayson's coffin enters the crematorium furnace, a voice can be heard muttering, "Shut that door - there's a hell of a draught in here".

I can't sleep, it's hot demais.

No Good Boyo said...

Welcome, M Renoir, your droll epigrams have won you Cymru Rouge citizenship and a commission in the Cymric Women's Battalion of Death (Senior Lingerie Adjustor).

MC, your recall of 70s comedians wins you a place on the Politburo. And ideas for Colin Compton?

Anonymous said...

Bernard Manning's coffin carried into church by a Black man, a Pakistani, a Jew and a queer.

Will Hay's coffin becomes jammed while being carried sideways through church door, chaos then ensues while Moffat and Marriott attempt to free it and Charles Hawtrey falls into open grave while giving foolish advice.

Peter Ustinov's eulogy read in five languages.

No Good Boyo said...

Well said, Gyppo, and you're a citizen anyway (Minister for Untaxed American Cars).

"Ned Sherrin will be joined tonight by..."

At Benny Hill's funeral the drunk priest falls into the grave, accidentally pulling of the widow's weeds to reveal lacy white lingerie. A chase ensues.

Alexei Sayle's coffin is an inch too tight all the way round.

No Good Boyo said...

A few more gleanings from my didacoi henchman:

Paul Whitehouse to be buried in mahogany coffin. Mahogany? With brass handles? Ooh! Suits you sir!

Matt Lucas tipped to be the only gay in the cemetery.

I thought of:

Jim Davidson's funeral. Well, it made me smile.

M C Ward said...

The inscription on Harry Enfield's tomb reads, "I do not believe you wanted to do that."